The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 22/4/11: Please, Please, Dont Leave Me.

Now, here is a real show. I’m especially going to try and savour this one as much as I can; with the Draft and therefore the annual Smackdown-ass raping on the horizon, one cant guarantee that all of my guys will be on Team Blue next week. And I WANT all of my guys on Team Blue next week.

CODY RHODES IS THE GREATEST MAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I just cannot stress this enough. The greatest ever. What a bad ass motherf*cker. I dont know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I just love how his depression has changed even his voice. He sounds mentally distraught when he speaks the words, his voice cracks, he’s almost on the verge of tears. Thats amazing character work. The paper bags angle was awesome too. This guy is on another level compared to everybody else.

And we get a rematch! This was pretty damn fun, although having TWO ad breaks in the middle of a 10 minute match took away from it a little. But some fun counters, as usual. Rey bein’ REY’d was a little mistimed but whatever. Loved the post-match, Cody flipping out and going nutso. The brawl itself seemed like it took a long, long time, but whatever, Rey and Cody brawling! I love Angry Rey. Two amazing pro wrestlers here folks. Going into the crowd is I assume the justification for a Falls Count Anywhere at the PPV. In any case, this HAS TO end Mascara contra Mascara. Right? I mean, it just has to.

I have to say though, Cody did the thing that heels do pre-Draft where he asks to be drafted off the show, but I say BUGGER THE HELL OFF WITH THAT CRAP. I am NOT losing the Greatest Man in the Entire World…to Raw. Ew.

The Corre are backstage. They’re having the “pretend that everything is cool after a fight to telegraph that we’re breaking up later” meeting. “I’m just messin’ with ya LOL”. I wonder which one of them isnt really messin’ with ya. We’ll find out tonight, presumably.

MICHELLE YOU BIATCH!! She..I..wh…no. No. Just. NO. She did…she DID NOT just say Layla wasnt FLAWLESS! How could she say that?! What a whore. Better Acting than last time, but whatever, these girls need to get into the ring pronto, because I’ve had it with Michelle, I’ve just had it, she’s being a total meanie pants and Layla needs to stare death at her and then beat the crap out of her.

How could you say that Michelle 🙁

Bugger off Cole, I actually hate you. Not sure if I’ve had more go-away heat for Cole or Kozlov at his peak. At least Kozlov was a wrestler, maybe, but then again he stunk up main events and Cole at least doesnt do that. Although his commentary ruins pretty much everything on a show. Anyway, Trent! Cool flying elbow. And the springboard into the powerbomb was boss. This was fine.

Shame about that Corre. Fine match though, Slater and Gabes are really great as heel bumpers. Gabes tagging in, getting UPPERCUT’d and checking his teeth were still there was great. I’m disappointed there was no Knockout Punch of Slater’s Doom though.

Drew! Masters! Oh God, sh*t just got REAL. If anyone missed it, these guys had the best sub-2 minute match you’ve ever seen in your life a couple months ago. This should be good. Holy Moses, CHRIS MASTERS GOT 4 WHOLE MINUTES TO WORK! Thats seriously the most newsworthy thing thats happened in forever. He DOUBLED his previous time! Way to go buddy. Anyway, this was a GREAT little 4 minute match. Masters chopped the PISS out of him on the apron. Great Drew Lariat, I’m glad he’s kept that. Great lariat from Masters too. Really fun work and good counters. Masters selling his neck leading into the finish was IMMENSE, and what an awesome FutureShock. Incredible detail work. These guys bring the awesome. I REFUSE to lose either of them either.

The Raw Rebound was cool as hell. I normally dont pay much attention to them, but telling the story of Truth’s heel turn was really well done.

So, its official, Rey vs Cody, Falls Count Anywhere. And I’m officially staying home to watch this PPV. These guys, and Christian/Alberto, are gonna rule the world.

Kofi! Man, I dont see how he can win unless there’s some big Corre implosion going on, but oh if wishing made it so. Kofi DIED on the apron again. That always looks nasty. Epic CROSSBODY on the outside too. This was cool, Kofi and Wade actually work really well together, and a good finish too; I cant remember the last time I saw a heel pin someone with the ropes, they need to bring that back.

Alberto! This was basically just “LOL, Edge is an old man!” schtick, but Alberto is so great he made it work. HOLYGODLITA’SMUSIC! I knew it wasnt actually her, but just hearing her music hit, God damn, my heart stopped. I’d mark like a little girl if Lita actually did come on TV sometime. “Chu chu do do…do do..” That was crazy. Ahahahahaha ALBERTO DANCING! You NEED to see Alberto dancing here. What a man. I also love Brodus judging the Fat Lita as she walked in, for all the world as if Brodus himself isnt enormously fat. A scooter! AHAHAHAHA Alberto dancing again! AHAHAHAHA OH GOD RICARDO DOING EDGE! That was awesome. You need to see this stuff. Two awesome men right here. Edge coming out was cool since I wasnt expecting him, I was distracted by a thing so I didnt have to hear him talk, and then Christian! When they showed the belt there at the start of the show you knew that someone was climbing up to hold it, and here we are. This was a fun ending. Cant wait for this ladder match, legit.

As an aside, my internet speed is failing me today, so I wont be able to do the next installment of MattVP until next week.