The Redman Report: WWE Raw 18/4/11: The Truth Hurts…Smoking Kills

R-Truth in the main event guys. I know, I know. But lets just see how we go. Plus we have Ye Merrye Olde Englande Rawe today, which is at least a different kind of a show. I wonder how many of you are there? Anywho, lets do this.

The opening segment with Morrison and Truth was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen. I mean, not in a bad way, by any means, it was just…weird. The cadence and the way they spoke to each other, the fact that a babyface was so obviously goading him into it, and the other babyface first tried to back out. The only thing was that Morrison was being the douche, but people would clearly much rather Morrison in the match than Truth so they went along with it. And then the water thing and especially the cigarette thing was so wacky. Doing an angle about smoking, in WWE, in 2011, is just the strangest thing.

OK, that was captivating. Seriously captivating. It boggles me how interesting R-freaking-Truth just became in the space of 20 minutes. I really liked that. I actually did feel bad for him when he lost his one shot so cleanly in 5 minutes like a total jobber. And then he just snapped. Some wicked cool Michelle McCool Knees there. Truth actually had really good facials for this, I liked the wheels turning. He attacked Morrison, and then broke down like “Oh God, what have I done?” and then it seemed like the more people started to boo him, he just decided “Screw it, you want a heel? You got a heel!” and BAM. I really liked “YOU did this John” too. And blowing cigarette smoke as a heel move is one of the greatest things ever. As was “THATS ILLEGAL”, you guys are pretty funny. And I still cannot get over how weird it is to have a cigarette angle in current-day WWE. But anyway, man, that was a pretty cool angle.

To demonstrate how cool I found this, I’ve been doing these reports for almost 2 months now. For Raw I usually just watch the show, and then wander on here later and go through the segments. But when I watch Smackdown, I jump up during every commercial and type to make sure I get all my thoughts down, because I’m so excited about what’s happening. This, right now, is the first time I’ve been so excited by something on Raw that it made me start typing here and now during the show.

On the other hand, within a minute of Cole/JR/King all starting to BICKER I knew I would hate commentary for the next hour or so until one of them gets taken out. F*CK OFF WITH THE BICKERING. I hate this crap so much.

Dolph lost his hair?! Thats moronic. He doesnt look like himself anymore. He looks like nothing now. Like, just total nothing. Generic body, generic face, generic haircut. He looked like someone with his Perfect hair, he looked different. Now he’s unrecognisable. If he needed a haircut he should have kept it blonde at least. Bad decision.

Miz looks about a hundred times more goofy in his new t-shirt. Another bad decision. And wow, they come in threes. I want to see whoever booked a Triple Threat Steel Cage Match so I can beat him over the head with a Steel Cage. It was moronic when they did it on Raw in January, and its gonna be moronic on PPV. I can accept a lot of logic holes, and I can accept most escape-cage matches, but the visual of two guys stuck on top of the cage, trapped, while the third guy STANDS THERE AND DOESNT WALK OUT THE DOOR is too much, even for me. I am half as interested in this match now, and half as interested in this show.

So…the sit down failed? Way to go WWE Champion The Miz. SIN CARA! OK, I have no idea why John Cena came out for no reason, and I’m not sure that putting him with Cena in such an anti-Cena place as England is a good idea, but whatever, this tag match is gonna rule provided it gets time. And hey, I have to say, its pretty surreal to see John Cena and Mistico, the two big draws of the era, standing here on Raw having a random tag match for no reason.

And that was fun. The finish was abrupt as hell, but apart from that, fun stuff. I could watch Cena selling and Sin Cara flip around all day. Miz sure looks like a total geek though.

K-K-Kong! Cannot wait for this woman.

Eve vs Nikki was hilariously mis-timed, all the way through. And after her flipout I expected some character development or something, but apparently not. Shouldnt have expected so much from Raw I guess.

Cole is just lame as hell. Whatever talent he has as a heel (and he has plenty), I’ve lost literally all interest in him. He just needs to leave TV, he’s unwatchable. And getting heat on JR…again is just so lame. The gimmick of commentary bickering for an hour before one side gets taken out and you’re left with Josh is also so, so played out. END THIS SH*T ALREADY. The only thing I liked was the crowd singing along to “God Save the Queen”. You guys are funny.

I like that Sheamus has actually decided that he’s been dicked around for a while but now he’s back to kicking ass and he’s starting with every stupid jobber who pinned him for no reason. He really needs a proper feud, like, yesterday though. Liked Santino’s selling here.

Punk vs Orton turned into another good match. Final minutes were really good. The RKO-KICKTOTHEFACE move was awesome again. And I liked the different finish. Dueling “RKO” and “GTS” chants was wacky as hell. You guys are pretty funny. Post match was a little strange, Mason going off on his own and threatening everyone else for no reason, then Punk finally taking charge and then getting jobbed by the RKO, because we need an RKO on every show, or something. Oh, and by the way, if someone like John Cena had no-sold the RKO like that people would be lighting pitchforks and marching on Stamford.

Plus, I mean, Nexus really, really sucks, and finishing the show with this angle just made me think “Man, this show is so weak.” Not what you want to leave me with. But anyway, the match was good, and the Truth segment made up for, well,  the rest of the show.