The Redman Report: WWE Raw 11/4/11: Leave the Memories Alone.

So as my unending luck would have it, this week was the one where I was busy this Wednesday afternoon and would probably miss Raw. I was in the room with a bunch of people and it was just on down low in the background when, luckily, I caught the words “numbness down both my arms”, and eventually realised what on earth was going on. Pretty extreme way to try and regain my attention, if you ask me, WWE.

All I want to talk about is Edge, but lets do this properly. I have to say, I cant remember the last time we had a good old fashioned Gauntlet “I’M the No. 1 Contender!” Promo, so this was a nice surprise to me. As lame as the t-shirt design is, I thought Dolph looked pretty badass in a black shirt and pants. I fully endorse Vickie Guerrero: WWE Champion., lets make it happen. Aha, R-Truth? Only in, well, wrestling can you go from not-even-on-the-show total jobber to WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP contender in the space of, well, nothing. Nothing happened in between those two things to get from A to B, is my point.

ANYWAY…

AWE. SOME. KONG.

We hardly ever get vignettes, but I just had to see this one, and it was BAD. ASS. I cant believe they’re putting effort into her, this is great. Man, bidness gon’ be pickin’ up, because Kong is going to KILL SOME BITCHES. I CANNOT WAIT. Way too much caps here, but I’m excited.

Ahahahaha, Eve is a GENIUS! Total genius. I love this development in the Twin antics. Well, she was almost a genius. Its pretty weird that they finally find a babyface genius solution to the Twin antics only for it to…not work. But I cant really hate on a Bella(s) win, they’ve worked hard to become ass kicking heel bitches lately, against all possible odds, so they deserve something.

Besides, Kong is going to KILL THEM. So pumped.

Wow, Eve went a bit mental there. How strange, Eve doesnt strike me as a heel bitch at first glance. Although to be fair, neither did the Bellas. Interesting that they’ve started some angle involving ALL the Raw women, presumably for Kong to come in and KILL THEM ALL. OK, I’m done. But anyway, lets see where this goes. Hilarious Acting here too. I love Gail, but yeesh, the last thing she needs to do is more Acting backstage.

SIN CARA! I see Primo, this is a match! Weird that they start the mysterious babyface avenger thing last week and then just…have a normal match here, but whatever,  I need some lucha! One of these days he’s going to undershoot the ropes and bounce backwards off them like Kofi does, hit the trampoline and cannon off up the ramp. Anyway, this was some fun stuff. I do love me some lucha highspots, and this is Mistico we’re talking about. Really fun spots. Loved the backflip and the superfast Code Red and whatever else it was that was. The botched finish was weird, mainly because they basically did a retake which looked silly, but the Top Rope C4 is pretty awesome. I so love this guy.

I have to take a break here and admit that while the Edge thing made me pay attention to the rest of the show, I still missed the next half hour or so, which means sadly I got no Santino, no Corre vs APPLE match, no Swagger/King and no JR the Manager. I heard this was all great too, so sucks to be me. I’ll have to catch up on it later in the week.

Enjoyed the Hunter/Taker video. Mainly because I’m in love with the match so I watched it going “Ohh!” Best nearfall ever.

So, Edge. I have to say, I say a lot of things about Edge. I think I turned against him in the first place after Lita and Matt. But even beyond that, I’ve never liked him as much as other people seem to, and at times of peak Edgeness I’ve found him to be unbearably awful. Post-2003 he’s absolutely one of the worst babyfaces ever, and by the end of 2010 he was positively the worst Asshole you ever saw. He annoys me on an almost weekly basis.

And I am so, so upset that he’s gone.

Seriously. I almost cant believe I got so emotional over a wrestler that I really cant stand most of the time. I am upset. I still cant believe it just happened. One thing I suppose is the shock. One week he’s there bein’ an Asshole Babyface, and the next, boom, he’s gone. But I also feel for the guy. He was really upset, as you’d imagine, and him cracking up broke me down. Its a shame for him that his career ended so abruptly this way. But on the other hand, its a great thing that he managed to get out now before his condition got too serious. He’s in a small club there, if its permanent.

And I”m going to miss him. I really am. He infuriates me all the time and I cant say I’ll miss his terrible Asshole antics, but that notwithstanding, some other times, he was really, really good. He’s been having good babyface matches this year, even. His initial main event run in 2006 was pretty fun. He’s had some awesome, all-time matches with Undertaker, Cena, Rey, Foley, Orton, Benoit, Angle, and everybody else. The TLC matches. The Smackdown Six! Man, and this is sure going to sound ridiculous after all I’ve said, but Edge in 2002 was one of the best babyfaces ever, no lie. Awesome tag matches. Psycho Edge’s psycho run on Smackdown was amazing. I could go on. Even to me, he’s been involved in a hell of a lot of good stuff, and had a hell of a lot of great matches. Wrestling is poorer without his workrate, and my sanity is safer without his AB antics. Farewell, my Asshole friend.

So somehow after that people are supposed to care about a gimmick match for a shot at an afterthought title belt, but here we are. Strange that Dolph is the only heel in this match, and he’s out there first. This was fine as far as gauntlets go, predictable up the wazoo though. I was surprised by Truth over Morrison for a minute, but then I realised, Morrison just isnt that smart. What a crazy story that is, in all aspects. I enjoyed the story of Cena hitting moves and Truth kicking out. So he was put over for a whole 2 minutes before being named a WORLD TITLE CONTENDER. I mean, even if you accept that Morrison lost his spot…Truth? Really? Yeesh. Cena, Miz, Truth. What a main event.

I’m at the end, I got all the words out, and I still cant get my head around Edge’s career being over. What a strange day.