WWE Monday Night RAW March 14, 2011 Results

With WrestleMania just three weeks away, the 929th edition of WWE Monday Night RAW came to you, live, from the Scottrade Center in Randy Orton’s hometown of St. Louis, MO. RAW would feature a special appearance by a controversial reality star and best-selling author as Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi would bring the party to RAW, Jersey Shore style, as the Guest Star of RAW! Since being assaulted and driven through the announce table with the Pedigree by Triple H a few weeks ago, King Sheamus’ career has been in a downward spiral and, last week, Sheamus’ frustration may have cost him his career as the 2010 King of the Ring will challenge Daniel Bryan for the United States Title and, if King Sheamus loses, he has vowed to “quit”! While one Superstar may see his career come to an end, the former SmackDown Consultant may get her job back as, by the orders of the anonymous General Manager of RAW, Vickie Guerrero must come out victorious on RAW in order to be hired by the anonymous GM, but Vickie’s opponent will be none other than the seven-time Women’s Champion as Vickie must face “The Diva of the Decade” Trish Stratus and must defeat the legendary Diva to gain employment on Monday Nights!

Match Results

• Non-Title: First Time Ever: The Great Khali def. The Miz by DQ after Alex Riley interferes.
• United States Championship: Title vs. Career: King Sheamus def. Daniel Bryan (c) by pin following the Brogue Kick in mid-air to win the United States Title.
• Win To Be In CM Punk’s Corner: Randy Orton (in his hometown) def. Mason Ryan by pin following the RKO. As a result, Mason Ryan will be banned from ringside at WrestleMania.
• If Vickie Guerrero Wins, She Is Hired: No DQ: Vickie Guerrero (with Dolph Ziggler, Layla, & Michelle McCool) def. Trish Stratus (with John Morrison) by assisted pin following a big boot by Michelle McCool. As a result, Vickie Guerrero is a part of the RAW roster.
• #1 Contender vs. #1 Contender: First Time Ever: John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio by DQ after Brodus Clay interferes.

Detailed Results

One week after John Cena delivered his “final knockout” in his war of words with The Rock, RAW kicks off with “The Great One” himself as The Rock is shown in his office on the phone as Rock laughs with a friend over Cena’s “final knockout” before Rock is interrupted by the sound of John Cena’s music! The Rock would presumably be talking to John Cena as he states it’s Cena’s chance to talk to him like a “man”, but a little kid in John Cena gear is shown as the kid tells The Rock that Rock “can’t see” him! Rock then tells the kid to talk to him like an “adult” and the kid responds by rapping to The Rock as the kid raps that he’s a “big, tough guy with a bright purple shirt” before telling The Rock “if you want some, come get some”! The Rock then sits down and tells the kid Cena about the “cultural impact” Cena has had on the world before comparing Cena to “Kermit the Frog” and “Barney the Dinosaur”  and saying that the “two-to-five year olds” love John Cena and Cena will “never be as good as The Rock” because Cena is “not that talented”! The Rock then tells kid Cena that it “doesn’t matter” how the kid feels, which makes the kid cry! The Rock then states that he’s got the “next best thing to toilet paper” before handing kid Cena a John Cena to blow his nose on! The Rock then gives kid Cena the gift of a box of Fruity Pebbles cereal and calls Cena an “untalented Froot Loop” before telling the kid to go “enjoy” them!

The Rock would then turn his attention to WWE Champion The Miz as Rock states that they have not been “properly introduced” before saying that, last week, Miz took Cena down before mocking The Rock by hitting the People’s Elbow and disrespecting Rock’s family! The Rock then vows to give Miz the “single biggest ass whooping of a lifetime” before stating that the “time for talk is over” and, before WrestleMania, he will “bring it live” to Monday Night RAW! The Rock then tells both The Miz and John Cena that the only thing that the two of them should be “concerned” about is “how badly” he will “lay the smacketh down” on both of their “candy asses”! With three weeks to go until WrestleMania, when will the Host of WrestleMania, The Rock, appear live on RAW?

Twenty days before he faces Jerry “The King” Lawler with Stone Cold Steve Austin as the Special Referee at WrestleMania, RAW commentator Michael Cole is shown in a bulletproof glass cage, which Cole calls the “Cole Mine” and states that it will protect him from harm at the hands of Jerry Lawler!

Moments after The Rock’s poignant statements directed at him and John Cena, WWE Champion The Miz would appear on RAW and state that The Rock does “bring it” as Rock brings “empty promises” before calling Rock a “has-been”! Miz continues that The Rock’s father and grandfather were both “good”, but they were never the WWE Champion and that makes him “better” than both of the Hall of Famers, which means that he can say whatever he “wants”! Miz then vows to make The Rock “cry” and “scream like a little girl” because he has actually “beat up” John Cena three weeks in a row and he “owns” John Cena! Miz continues that he “hopes” and “prays” that The Rock does “bring it”, but says that, when The Rock does appear on RAW, Rock will be “overshadowed” by the “most must-see WWE Champion in WWE history” because he’s The Miz and he’s “awesome”! The anonymous General Manager of RAW then chimes in with an email, but when Michael Cole exits his “Cole Mine” to read the email, Jerry “The King” Lawler stands up and tells Cole to go back to his cage before Lawler reads the email which announces two “first time ever” matches involving The Miz and John Cena! The GM then announces that, for the first time ever, John Cena will go one-on-one with the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title, Alberto Del Rio, and, as for The Miz, the WWE Champion would go one-on-one with The Great Khali for the first time ever!

Per the orders of the anonymous General Manager of RAW, the opening match of the night would see WWE Champion The Miz going one-on-one with the seven-foot tall Great Khali for the first time ever in a non-title match! The match would barely get underway before The Great Khali would latch on the Khali Vise Grip, but The Miz’s former “apprentice”, Alex Riley, would rush in, which would allow The Miz to escape as Khali would deliver a chop to the skull of Riley before flattening the fired former protégé with the Punjabi Plunge! Meanwhile, The Miz would grab a steel chair and would deliver a pair of chair shots to the leg of The Great Khali before waylaying the back of “The Punjabi Nightmare” with the chair! With Khali down, The Miz would deliver a heinous assault on the former World Heavyweight Champion as Miz would literally break the steel chair over the back of Khali with countless chair shots that would leave Khali’s back lacerated from the assault, but The Miz was still not finished as Miz would plant Khali, skull-first, into the steel chair with a DDT! What is the status of The Great Khali following this hellacious assault by The Miz?

Backstage, John Morrison is chatting with RAW Guest Star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi when the two are confronted by the newest addition to the RAW roster, Dolph Ziggler, and Dolph’s girlfriend, Vickie Guerrero! Vickie would call Morrison a “loser of a Superstar” before telling Snooki that the Jersey Shore Diva thinks that she is “all that” because Snooki is on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine before claiming that she was offered the cover of Playboy! Snooki responds by telling that Vickie would have to be a “centerfold” because they could not “fit” all of Vickie on “one page”! Vickie responds by trying to slap the Guest Star, but Snooki would block the slap and deliver a slap of her own to the face of Vickie, prompting Vickie to throw a fit!

Then it was time for a potentially career-ending match as Daniel Bryan, with Gail Kim in his corner, would defend the United States Title against the 2010 King of the Ring, King Sheamus, and Sheamus has vowed that, if he loses, he would quit the WWE! In the end, it was Daniel Bryan coming off of the top rope only for King Sheamus to catch Daniel Bryan with the Brogue Kick in mid-air, allowing Sheamus to pin and defeat Daniel Bryan to become the new United States Champion, as well as keep his career intact!

One week after having his original choice for Special Referee, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, laid out with the Stunner before having the contract to serve as referee signed by Stone Cold Steve Austin, meaning that Stone Cold will officiate the match between himself and Jerry “The King” Lawler at WrestleMania, the self-proclaimed “Voice of the WWE” Michael Cole would introduce an individual who, he believes, would “expose” Jerry Lawler for who the Hall of Famer “really is”! Michael Cole states that Stone Cold Steve Austin will have a “minimal effect” on him beating Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania! Michael Cole then reveals his mystery guest as Cole brings out the “biological son” of the Hall of Famer in the man known as “Grand Master Sexay”, Brian Christopher! The former tag team champion then does his vintage entrance before Cole asks his first question by asking Brian Christopher that the former tag team champion has wrestled under many names, but has never competed under his real name, Brian Lawler! The son of the Hall of Famer reveals that he never felt like he had a father before confronting his father at ringside and states that “The King” never “wanted” a son because Lawler does not want anyone to be in his “spotlight” and that is why, when he achieved success in the WWE, Lawler would not even “acknowledge” his son! Jerry Lawler then responds by telling his son that Brian Christopher is not the “only one” who is glad that he did not use the Lawler name before telling his son that he is a “bigger screw-up than Charlie Sheen”! Lawler continues that the fact that Brian would associate himself with a “jackass” like Michael Cole tells everyone the “kind of person” that Brian is! Brian Christopher then responds by asking his father how it feels to know that he competed at WrestleMania before Lawler did! Brian Christopher would then get in the face of his father and ask him how it “feels” before shoving and even slapping his Hall of Fame father! Brian then tells his father that the only reason that he did not use the Lawler is because he is “ashamed” of his father!

Brian Christopher would then make his exit as Michael Cole would tell Jerry “The King” Lawler does not “care” about his family before calling Lawler a “coward” and a “loser” and vows to put Lawler in his “place”, but Michael Cole is interrupted by the shocking arrival of a Hall of Famer and legendary announcer as the one and only “Good Ol’ J.R.” Jim Ross comes out! As the legendary play-by-play announcer enters the ring, Michael Cole says that he was “wondering” how long it would take before Jim Ross would come out and “steal the spotlight”! Jim Ross would then tell Cole that everything that Cole has done to Jerry Lawler has “gone far enough” and Cole responds by telling J.R. to “go away” because he is the “voice of the WWE” and it is “not” Jim Ross! J.R. then states that there is not an announcer that is the “voice of the WWE” as the WWE fans are the “voices of the WWE”! J.R. then states that Lawler has been “carrying” Cole like a mother kangaroo does for her babies before saying that Cole is not a kangaroo as Cole is a “rat bastard”! J.R. then starts to leave the ring, Cole would say that he has always envisioned him being the “bigger man” while J.R. would leave into the “sunset” with his “tail tucked between his legs”! J.R. would then re-enter the ring and take off his hat, jacket, and tie as Cole would take off his jacket and tie as well and it looked like the Hall of Famer was ready to fight Michael Cole, but Cole’s “trainer”, Jack Swagger, would rush in and smack the head of Jerry Lawler off of the announce table! Swagger would then enter the ring and, at the orders of Michael Cole, Swagger would deliver a kick to the mid-section of the legend and lock in the ankle lock on the Hall of Famer while Michael Cole insults Ross! Jerry Lawler would then enter the ring in an attempt to bring an end to the heinous assault, but after Cole would jump on the back of Lawler, Swagger would get the better of the situation as Swagger would lock the ankle lock in on Jerry Lawler before Cole would lock in his own ankle lock on an already injured Jim Ross! What is the status of both Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler following this heinous and unreal assault by Michael Cole and Jack Swagger?

It was announced on RAW that, this Friday on SmackDown, friends would reunite once again as eight-time tag team champions Edge & Christian would compete for their ninth tag team championship as the World Heavyweight Champion and “Captain Charisma” would challenge Corre members Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel for the WWE Tag Team Titles! Can the incomparable Edge & Christian win their ninth tag team championship as a team or will Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel find a way to retain against the legendary duo?

After punting Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, and David Otunga out of The New Nexus and out of in-ring competition, The New Nexus was down to two and St. Louis’ own Randy Orton would be looking to even things up for his match against CM Punk at WrestleMania as “The Viper” would go one-on-one with New Nexus member Mason Ryan and, if Mason Ryan loses, Ryan will be banned from ringside at WrestleMania! In the end, it was Randy Orton coming out of nowhere with the RKO on Mason Ryan en route to picking up the win and ensuring that his match with CM Punk at WrestleMania will truly be a one-on-one match! Randy Orton would then exit the ring, but would lock eyes with CM Punk before running back into the ring and delivering the punt to Mason Ryan, just like he did to the rest of The New Nexus! CM Punk would then rush the ring right behind Orton, but Orton would snap around and would dare Punk to fight him, but Punk would slowly exit the ring, backing away from the ring as paramedics bring a stretcher to ringside for Mason Ryan! Randy Orton has eliminated all of CM Punk’s backup for WrestleMania by taking out The New Nexus, but how will CM Punk fare in a one-on-one match with Randy Orton? Does CM Punk have a plan for WrestleMania?

Before her match against Trish Stratus, Vickie Guerrero warns RAW Guest Star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi to never put her hands on Vickie again before accusing Snooki of taking her Rolling Stone magazine cover shoot before calling herself a “media darling” and saying that she is a “good person”!

After being fired by SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long a few weeks ago, Vickie Guerrero’s boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler, has a spot on the RAW roster, but Vickie would have to earn her way onto the roster as, per the orders of the anonymous RAW General Manager, Vickie Guerrero must win her match to be hired to Monday nights, but to do so, Vickie would have to go through a seven-time Women’s Champion as Vickie would go one-on-one with “The Diva of the Decade” Trish Stratus in a No DQ Match with RAW Guest Star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at ringside! After throwing her shoes at Trish Stratus, Vickie Guerrero would find herself on the wrong side of a spanking, with her own shoe nonetheless, by Trish! Vickie’s boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler, would then rush out to try and stop the match, but John Morrison would come out and send Dolph to the outside before diving out of the ring on Dolph, taking Ziggler out of the match! The chaos would continue, however, as Layla and Michelle McCool would run out and would attack Trish Stratus and, while Layla held Trish in place, Michelle McCool would deliver a vicious kick to Trish, which, with the help of LayCool sitting on the back of Vickie, would allow Vickie Guerrero to pick up the upset win over Trish Stratus, meaning that Vickie is now a part of the RAW roster!

After giving a vital assist to Vickie Guerrero, LayCool would see RAW Guest Star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi still seated at ringside as Michelle McCool would go out and confront the Jersey Shore star, but after being shoved by McCool, Snooki would fire back by smashing the face of McCool off of the ring apron! Snooki would then enter the ring and take Layla down with a Lou Thesz Press as Trish Stratus re-enters the ring and takes care of Michelle McCool and Vickie Guerrero! After being sent packing by John Morrison, Trish Stratus, & Snooki, Vickie would regroup with Dolph Ziggler and LayCool on the outside of the ring before laying out a big challenge for WrestleMania as Vickie challenges them to a 6-Person Mixed Tag Match at WrestleMania where the team of John Morrison, Trish Stratus, & Snooki would take on Dolph Ziggler & LayCool on “The Grandest Stage of Them All” and Snooki readily accepts the challenge! In an unreal WrestleMania match, which team will emerge victorious? What does Snooki have in store when she competes in her first match at WrestleMania?

Then it was time for the main event as, in a battle of #1 Contenders, the #1 Contender for the WWE Title, John Cena, would go one-on-one with the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title, Alberto Del Rio, with his protégé, “The Rhino” Brodus Clay, in his corner, for the first time ever! In the end, it was John Cena hoisting Alberto Del Rio up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Brodus Clay would come in and attack Cena, bringing an end to the match! After the match, Alberto Del Rio would assault John Cena, but the music of The Rock would hit and, at first glance, it would appear to be The Rock coming out, but closer inspection would reveal the individual to be WWE Champion The Miz! Miz would then deliver the Rock Bottom to John Cena before Alberto Del Rio would hit an enziguiri on Cena, followed by a fallaway slam by Brodus Clay! On the outside of the ring, Miz would send Cena into the steel ring post before Miz would smash a microphone into the head of Cena not once, but twice before delivering a suplex to Cena on the steel ramp! Cena would get a shot in on The Miz, but Miz would fight out of an attempt at the Attitude Adjustment by Cena and would deliver a DDT to Cena on the steel stage before sending Cena face-first into the steel WWE logo set up on the stage! The Miz would then end the vicious assault by delivering the Skull Crushing Finale to the steel base of the WWE logo stand! For the fourth week in a row, The Miz has annihilated John Cena with a vicious attack, but how will John Cena respond to yet another attack? What is the condition of John Cena following four weeks of such punishment at the hands of The Miz?

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