The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 25/3/11: Christian Sells Arm In Shocker

So, after last week of Christian, Alberto and Brodus bein’ awesome and Edge bein’ an Asshole before getting his rightful ass whoopin’, how will the dastardly Edge get his revenge, tonight, on FRIDEE NIGHT SMACK DOWN?

Well as it turns out, he wont get any revenge. I like the Teddy ‘no touch’ ruling. It doesnt break the mold, but its a good way to cool off the physicality before Mania, and seemingly allow Christian to keep the focus as well.

Rey! Punk! Well, I assume its Punk, I cant think of anyone else Rey has faced at Mania being available. Really cool first 4 minutes, fast paced and nice work. These guys cant look at each other sideways without busting out a cool counter. OH WOAH REY JUST REY’D HIM~! YES! Ahaha, wow, after so many years of Rey coming off the top and getting DROPKICK’D TO DEATH, finally, FINALLY, some poor schmuck came off the top and Rey DROPKICK’D HIM TO DEATH. I love redemption spots. And this was a great match.

And now CODY! I still enjoy the facemask headbutts of evil. OH MY CRAP HE KNEED HIM TO DEATH! Wow. Absolute DEATH. That looked brutal. Putting on a kneebrace and trying to murder Rey’s face to get some twisted-ass heel redemption is INCREDIBLE. Just incredible. I thought they couldnt sell this match any better, and then POW. It hardly needs to be said, but Cody is still unquestionably the Greatest Man in the Entire World.

Drew is totally wasted with Edge, lets be real, but anyway. Criminally short but it was good while it lasted, the arm work was really sweet. The whole point of the finish – doing the Edgucator because he couldnt hit the Spear with a bad arm – was great, but then ruined when he just did the Spear anyway. Edge man. But whatever.

Rosa seems to dye her hair every week – every time I see her she looks different. Anywho, this was all fine, the mocking was fine, it was all fine, but made awesome by the fact that LAYLA WAS NOT WEARING ANY PANTS. NO PANTS WHATSOEVER. Yeah. Now you want to watch the show.

No no no! I was just about to say how nice it was that I got to see a Kofi match for once, but now…poor Kofi. You know, the more I think about it, it seems like the greater your title chase, the more it meant for you to win a title, the more underwhelming your title run ends up being. Think about it – Mickie over Trish at WM22, her reign wasnt anything. After Matt finally beat MVP, nothing. Morrison won the IC Title after the SD Six Redux – nope. Rey wins the WHC, for an all-time bad reign. Jeff Hardy finally won the world title, and it lasted 5 weeks.

Kofi had this incredible chase late last year, he was the Greatest Man in the Entire World, and the minute he won it was the minute he stopped being awesome. He’s hardly even been on the show, and when he has he’s had short matches and jobbed.  Thats what this guy gets for taking the NOTHING they gave him and becoming completely awesome.

Anyway, disappointment aside, this was a good match. All action, lots of cool Kofi spots, and the finish – Trouble in Paradise right into the Wasteland, watch it – was a thing of beauty. Plus I dont mind the visual of Corre holding three belts. Funny how they pushed last week’s beatdown so strong and tried to forget all about that horrific Raw angle. Its like sometime between Monday night and Tuesday night they realised that it was, well, horrific. Too bad they couldnt realise that, you know, before Monday. Whatever, it was a really good match.

Undertaker cut a promo. It was fine.

Cole has officially moved into Psycho Cole territory. What a mental case. I love how they used Truth here, Cole has HATED Truth forever so, combined with his unravelling, it made total sense for Cole to just unleash all of his Psycho Douchey Coleness on Truth here. The “WASSUP!” “YOU SUCK!” part was pretty awesome on the part of the crowd.

This ought to be good, we’ve got time.

WHAT. A. GREAT. MATCH. Man, I havent felt that good about a main event in a long while. This was a great match. Christian busted out his Greatest Hits, he also busted out some cool as all hell stuff like Rey’s dive over the ringpost, and then a Frankensteiner! The sequence ending in the enziguri was awesome. And, oh wait, whats that knock at the door? I think its the wrestling gods telling Christian to SELL YOUR ARM. Never ever not awesome. I’d almost think Christian was put on this earth to sell his arm, if he wasnt so good at so many other things as well. So many great spots, so many awesome nearfalls, and they worked the ‘no touch’ angle perfectly. Heels interfere, babyface (well, Edge) saves, heel distracted, babyface wins, heels foiled. Awesome match. Edge being so Psycho Edge about it was almost overdone, but they played the tease and then the GENIUS PLAN payoff perfectly. Just a completely and utterly satisfying match and story development.

*FLASHBACK to 2007: Matt Hardy & MVP*

Matt Hardy vs Chris Masters (MVP on commentary), Smackdown 13/7/07

As MVP comes out they announce the title match for the Great American Bash. He says he’s here to scout Matt before the PPV. What an amazing concept. I mean, guys still do commentary these days, but they only do it to get buried by Cole, not for any actual purpose. I cant remember the last time someone came out and said “I’m scouting my opponent before our match”, as if they were a competitive athlete. Man, this project is getting very “2011 = bad” heavy, and I dont mean it to be. Its just hard to watch something done so well and you think “They dont do that anymore.”

Anyway, Matt Hardy works a competitive match with Chris Masters for over 12 minutes during Masters’ first WWE run. Sounds pretty ridic, right? But even before seeing this I always remembered that in 2007 Masters heard the magic words (“You’re going to Smackdown”) and had begun to show glimpses of his future self by being a perfectly competent worker before he was…released.

This was pretty good. Matt was working well, demonstrating why he’s such a formidable U.S. Title contender (booya) but Masters uses his power to..overpower Matt. Some cool stuff here, like Masters’ big clothesline in the corner and the Matt clothesline-bulldog attempt sequence. There was, I have to say, a terribly bad edit where they went to commercial right as Masters was about to Masterlock Matt and kill him. That actually happened a few weeks ago on something, too. Oh how the world turns. But its a minor complaint because this was a real good match, with a wonderful finish – Matt counters an attempt at something into the Twist of Fate, just the same as he did last week, just to hammer home that he could do that to MVP at the PPV.

MVP, for his part, was always one of the few who can hang on commentary, he was marvellous here spouting off at the peak of his MVPness and also put over Matt really well too. I dont know if it was the first, but it had to be one of the first times we ever heard “Half Man, Half Amazing”, and I totally marked with the benefit of hindsight. After the match Matt goads MVP into the ring, but by the time he deliberately takes off his glasses, his suit jacket, his watch and his chain, a pissed off Masters pounces with the Masterlock of Doom, and MVP picks the bones like the prick heel that he is. I cant wait for this match. I went through this when it was happening, I saw the match, but I’m going through it all over again just the same; I cant wait for this match. Wonderful pro wrestling.