The Redman Report: WWE Raw 28/3/11 – HOLY WRESTLEMANIA BATMAN!

I hardly need to hype this show. Its Raw. The Wrestlemania go-home. The Rock will be there. Lets get this show on the Road. Ha, see what I did there, eh? The Road to Wrestlemania? Yeah, OK. The show.

These damn people. I was almost, almost actually interested in Orton/Punk simply because they’d done such a good job keeping them apart before their match. So obviously on the go-home show they have a brawl. Screw these people. Having said that, the knee injury angle is fine and Orton sold like I know he can. And Punk’s promo was good, whenever he gets to turn himself heel on Chicago its good.

I’m so glad that ‘no touch’ stip lasted all of…one show. Oh well, this was a good match the first time, so I assume it will be a good 2 minute match this time. Well, OK, it went a little longer. And it was good, just, in Raw match form. OK, as great as he was here Alberto beating Edge up on the go-home scares the absolute hell out of me. He cant possibly lose. He just, cant. Cannot. I am not comfortable with this.

Glad Gabes is working. Heads or tails, Show or Kane? No, KOFI! Wait, NO! They’re seriously doing it like this? What the crap. I know the joke is that nobody watches Smackdown, but how can WWE themselves not even watch Smackdown? I am NOT HAPPY. AHAHAHAHA, OK, I’m still pissed but the trumpet thing was hilarious. Wrestling is so much fun sometimes. But man, they’re failing at having a go-home show here, they’re 0 for 3 with me so far as far as building these matches.

I TAKE IT ALL BACK. I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DOUBTED YOU DOUBLE DOUBLE E.

That was a FANTASTIC segment. Cant believe I’m saying that. Fantastic. This match finally feels epic after that. Man oh man. I actually really loved HHH’s promo, thats easily his best one in forever. I loved Taker’s face like “I could kill you right now” and then his diatribe against Shawn. And SHAWN. It only took  getting Shawn Michaels out of retirement to make this match interesting. Shawn was great, going from happy goofy Shawn to serious Shawn to insane, depressed Shawn after Undertaker went to town on him. This guy shows emotion like, well, like something else. And leaving it there as a cliffhanger so you have no idea if Shawn is interfering or on whose side he would interfere on, brilliant. Although the idea of Taker looking so strong in the end there when he’s winning is, again, terrifying to me.

And now King! This is too much. Luckily they just did a little something to get through this show. There was nothing left for them to do anyhow. It was great work though. Cole is going to DIE, I cannot wait.

Her timing was off but I still laughed at Vickie Morrison. This match would be great if it was happening on any other show and therefore getting more than 90 seconds. Another baffling finish too. I think so far every single person I had winning at WM has come out looking strong tonight. So either I’m going crazy, they’re going crazy, or they’re using a WWE PPV booking formula with which I’m heretofore unfamiliar.

What happened to the Trish interview? Did I miss something?

Thats the best promo Orton has cut in forever. Guy has been on a roll as of late, lets be real.

OK, now we have Trish. This was ultra cheesy, but fine. Snooki was at least a better promo here than the first time. Ha, I liked them going back for the brawl. Good brawl too, and I liked the addition of “BITCH” to the proceedings. Its seemingly not a women’s wrestling feud without it. I should just be happy for them since I’m not allowed to swear.

HO-
LY
GOD.

HO-
LY
FREE-
KING
GOD.

Thats about as much as my swear jar budget can take. THAT WAS AWESOME. That was awesome. Golly gosh, what an incredible segment. That was awesome. Cant stop saying that. Every single thing. The crowd. Rock cut a great promo. JOHN FLIPPING CENA cut the promo of his life. Miz interrupting surprisingly did not kill it and Miz did great himself. KAPOW, Rock’s offense and BAM F-U MOTHERDUCKLING! UN-believable. That was awesome. I was a bit iffy after the first hour but hot damn, I am so unbelievably psyched for Mania. Thats a job well done.