The Redman Report: WWE Raw 14/3/11 “You’re not even a girl!”

After last week’s slam-bang attempt I’m back to my usual recapping. Which is good because I’m glad I got to sit down and watch this show, which put Raw back on the right track for Mania, with another excellent segment from the usual suspects, and an excellent line I could use for a heading.

Apparently some Rock thing happened. I’m not mocking him here, I just missed the whole thing. Dont know what happened there, but darn you international edit! *fist shaking*

Anyway, Miz did well here. Its good that they actually realised how poorly they were booking the guy and are trying to give him something before, you know, main eventing Wrestlemania. It was a good promo, and with good heat. Khali was lame, as was Riley’s run in, but I cannot hate on seeing a CHOP OF DOOM, Miz’s beatdown was pretty good, and busting out the LITA DDT was awesome. Worth it overall.

MICHAEL COLE IS IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION. Well not really, but I laughed. Wow, thats two references in three weeks to a movie I’ve only seen once in my life. Anywho, what a fantastic idea. When this began this is exactly the kind of thing I thought Cole should be doing. He has the room to be wacky because he’s not a wrestler.

Honest to the Lord, there’s a backstage scene with Morrison and other people, and somehow he’s not the worst actor in the bunch. Snooki’s pretty terrible, but I assume thats her whole appeal.

Bryan vs Sheamus was a fun 5 minute match, and I suppose thats all you can hope for with Raw. Some fun beat-the-crap-out-of-you spots, I always mark for PURO FOREARM BATTLES in WWE, and the finish was way cool. No problem with this if it means getting a 12 minute rematch, whether its on TV or Mania.

COLE AND KING. Cole and King is just the greatest feud in forever, honestly. What an incredible segment. First Cole, then BRIAN CHRISTOPHER, and then JIM BLEEPING CRAPPING ROSS! (I’ve given up swearing for Lent, I thought I’d be fine but then BOOM, Jim Bleeping Crapping Ross!) What an awesome man, what an awesome beatdown, what an awesome angle. I cant remember the last time I wanted someone to run in and make the save and kick the crap out of the heels that badly. Cannot WAIT for this match, love these guys.

I think the only newsworthy thing about the next segment is that Randy Orton Blatantly and Willfully Defied the Golden Rule of Wrestling: Thou Shalt Not Win in Thy Hometown. But it completed the angle and it was, again, fun to watch, so it was fine. The Orton SPEEDPUNT into the slithery face-off was cool as. And again, although to a far lesser extent, they’re doing a good job of keeping them apart so I’m excited for them actually facing off at Mania.

So glad for Zack Ryder that he at least got to interact with Snooki. The poor fellow is never on TV, he has a tailor-made angle here and they cant use him.

Anyway, Vickie Guerrero. Michelle. Layla. TRISH STRATUS. Yeah, I enjoyed this. Vickie’s antics made the match, but the post-match was the fun part. Did Michelle ever NAIL Trish with that kick. And I so loved Michelle spotting Snooki and going over to her. I’ll never understand Michelle haterz, the woman is fantastic. The big man-little man face off was funny, and I dug the babyface comeback. Snooki cant act at all but she was shockingly competant physically. But, somehow, in a room full of THESE WOMEN they were totally and utterly upstaged. “You’re not even a girl Morrison!” Dolph Ziggler, ladies and gentlemen, Dolph Ziggler.

Despite the waste I was looking forward to Cena/Alberto. I havent seen Cena work a proper main event in quite a while, maybe not since the Punk matches in January. Anyway, this could have been something, could be something in the future too, but it wasnt allowed to be here. Shame. When Cole was so OTT about Rock I knew it would be Miz (or a midget), and it was. Pretty good work on Miz’s part though, even though the heel heat wasnt there, probably because he looked far too much like The Rock beating up John Cena. And the beatdown was pretty awesome, no pun intended. Great, brutal beatdown. I hope he keeps using the Lita DDT going forward. He’s never going to capture the interest that Rock/Cena has, but they’re doing a great job of making Miz look dangerous before the show.