New Year’s Resolutions

Well, hello. Welcome to the first column of 2011, I trust you all had a good New Year celebration, or least that you were told you enjoyed yourself if you can’t remember. I watched a two storey bonfire, drank whiskey and ate shortbread. Pretty much an average weekend in a wee village in the middle of nowhere.

Anyway, to the point of this mass of connected words. With it being the New Year, I am making 7 wrestling related resolutions for the forthcoming 12 months. Let’s see how many I can keep, or more realistically, how long it takes me to break them, given my almost legendary lack of self control and will-power. Why 7? Why not?

1. I will not make fun of John Cena’s promos.

Self explanatory. The guy seems to be stuck in a creative rut (and yes, I’m aware that the creative rut may not be self imposed, but initiated from above) where he’s really angry or really goofy. There is no middle ground for him anymore, it seems. Cena when he’s on a roll IS a good talker, like him or not, that’s a fact. It’s his talking that got him to where he is now, yet recently, he’s just been a whole kettle of bland.

I’ve grown tired of the Anti-Cena lobby. I’m no fan but what’s the point in railing against the guy? He’s established himself not only as the WWE go to guy, but dang it, a hard worker, and a seemingly nice guy to boot. It’s not his fault he gets booked into stupid Superman style finishes and given wishy-washy nonsense to spout. I need to cut the guy a break, or I’m just a sheep like the rest of the “Cena Sux LOLZORZ!!!” brigade.

2. I will not be surprised by ANYTHING that TNA do.

And not in a good way – as in “Who’s the mystery opponent?” but more as in “Hey, this is what we’re gonna do now” in the way of heel turns, factions, surprise pushes, de-pushes, booking, signings, releases, angles. You name it. Nothing they do will surprise me, because, well, it’s TNA. It’s what they do.

In the TNA head office, there’s a book marked “LOGIC”. Or there was, because they threw the damn thing out of the window a long time ago. There seems to be a desire to press the self destruct button when things start to run smoothly. I fully expect something dumb like splitting the MCMG to feud with each other for 3 weeks then get back together and pretend it never happened….but I won’t be surprised.

3. I will enjoy Michael Cole for what he is.

And that, my friends, is a live action version of your Internet troll. Oh yes, he says what he says only to get a reaction. And as per usual, the majority of the ‘net are biting on it and taking him to task. I kinda dig it. Cole going off on one was the only interesting thing about NXT season 3 for me. I like him being an obnoxious heel, and shocker, he’s actually GOOD at it.

Cole is about as hot a heel as there is in the WWE, so he’s obviously doing something right. Again, not that I believe that he’s doing anything more than what he’s told, but his delivery is making it. Is there a catchphrase anywhere in wrestling as obnoxious as “And I quote…” right now? Even Vickie Guerrero’s ubiquitous “Excuse Me!” pales in comparison to the rage that Cole’s three words seem to inspire. He’s floundered a bit since Tazz left, but with this, he’s found his niche.

4. I will figure out what the Bella Twins actually do.

That one might actually take longer than a year.

5. I will watch more Smackdown.

I missed a lot of the past 2 years worth of Smackdown; keeping up with it only through reading show recaps and forum threads (the awesome Jimmy Redman makes every show sound like you should SEE IT OR DIE) but I’ve caught a couple of them recently, and bar Edge and Kane’s bizarre face-gone-bad angle, I’ve really enjoyed it. Kofi, Swagger, and Ziggler are on top of their game right now; it’s become what it was years ago – the show to watch for at least one awesome match every week. I shall pay more attention to it!

6. I must stop watching insane wrestlers YouTube channels.

I’m looking at you, Matt Hardy. Or rather, I’m not.

7. I will try not to break kayfabe in front of my son.

My son’s at that stage of his wrestling fandom, where his pals are beginning to realise it’s “not real” and he knows something ain’t right, but can’t quite put his finger on it. I try my best to vaguely answer his questions without giving it all away. Honestly, it’s worse than the whole Santa issue. We’ve both come to the conclusion – ahem – that they don’t actually punch each other, but they do fight properly. And he knows that some of them are just acting “bad” – at least that’s why he still likes Jeff Hardy so he says.

I think this year is going to be the year he finally clicks that it’s not all 100% real… I don’t know, that just makes me sad. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the state of not knowing all this stuff and just enjoy what’s on the screen or presented to me. Life rumbles on, I guess. Just another way to make me feel old.

So there we go… be sure to check in and see how I manage, and if you notice anything in the columns, feel free to post a comment, or hit the forums! Until next time… Have fun, go mad.